I'm so postmodern that I just don't talk anymore,
I wear different coloured t-shirts according to my mood.

I'm so postmodern that I work from home
as a surf life saving consumer hotline.

I'm so postmodern that all my clothes are made out of sleeping bags,
I don't need pockets, I'm a pocket myself.

I'm so postmodern I go to parties I'm not invited to
and locate the vegemite and write my name on everyone.

I'm so postmodern that I write reviews for funerals,
and heckle at weddings from inside a suitcase.

I'm so postmodern I'm going to adopt a child,
and teach him how to knit, and call him Adolf Diggler.

I'm so postmodern that I breakdance in waiting rooms,
play Yahtzee in nightclubs, at three in the afternoon.

I'm so postmodern I only go on dates that last thirteen minutes,
via walky talky, while hiding under the bed.

I'm so postmodern I invite strangers to my house,
and put on a slide show of other people's nans.

I'm so postmodern I went home and typed up everything you said,
and printed it out in wingdings, and gave it back to you.

I'm so postmodern I held an art exhibition -
a Chuppa Chup stuck to a swimming cap, and no one was invited.

I'm so postmodern I make alphabet soup,
and dye it purple, and pour it on the lawn.

I'm so postmodern I request Hey Mona on karaoke,
then sing my life story to the tune of My Sharona.

I'm so postmodern I only think in palendromic haikus -
Madam I, Glenelg, I'm Adam.

I'm so postmodern that I sit down to wee,
and stand up to poo, at job interviews.

I'm so postmodern that I dress up as Santa,
in the middle of August, and haunt golf courses.

I'm so postmodern that I cut off all my hair,
and knitted it into a beanie, and threw it off a bridge.

I'm so postmodern that I stole everyone's mail,
and cut them up into a ransom note and hid it in a thermos.

I'm so postmodern I take my leggo to the supermarket
and build my own shopping trolley, and only buy one nut.

I'm so postmodern I wrote a letter to the council -
...I think it was 'M.'

I'm so postmodern I bought a round the world plane ticket,
and stuffed my clothes with eggplant and pretended it was me.

I'm so postmodern I've got a tattoo of my pin number
in heiroglyphics on my neighbour's guide dog.

I'm so postmodern I fought my way into parliament,
and made a law banning Nuttelex, and then moved to Spain.

I'm so postmodern that I iron all my lettuce leaves,
put my shirts in the crisper - they're real crisp.

I'm so postmodern I give live mice to buskers,
dirty tea towels to the Mormons, and pavlova to crabs.

I'm so postmodern that I live in a tent,
on a platform of skateboards that's tied to a tram.

I'm so postmodern I write four thousand-word essays
on the cultural significance of party pies.

I'm so postmodern I recite Shakespeare at KFC drive thru's,
through a megaphone, in sign language.

I'm so postmodern I'm going to watch the Olympics
on a black & white TV, with the sound down.

I'm so postmodern I go to the gym after hours,
push up against the door, then cry myself to sleep.

I'm so postmodern I wrote a trilogy of novels
from the perspective of a possum that Jesus patted once.

I'm so postmodern that I marry all my friends,
soak myself in metho, and tell them that they've changed.

I'm so postmodern I bought every book written in 1963
as a reading challenge, and clogged up a waterslide.

I'm so postmodern I think I might be a god
in my undies rolling in sugar, in the carpark of a rodeo.

I'm so postmodern I pre-recorded this song,
and laced a message subliminally telling Shane Porteous to buy a smock...

Hey ppls!

I haven't blogged in AGES!!! I dunno why...I guess I just haven't really been in a blogging mood...well a lot has happened since I last blogged:

Jess, Jo, Iza and I went crazy in the city coz I finished my course of antibiotics so I could drink again!! I think I hit the party scene again too hard and fast tho coz I'm feeling sick all over again now!! But anywayz, the girls and I went to Icon and got to dance on the bar Coyote Ugly style which was awesome!  We also went to Zest coz my friend Tom works there on a Saturday night but it wasn't that good coz there was like no one there...so we didn't stay there long...The Elephant Wheelbarrow was good coz Jo and I had Black Sambucca shots and danced and sang really loud hehehe...the downside was Jo almost getting stolen by weird clowns on the street...they really did grab her and try to drag her away!! I had to chase after her and grab her arm!! Scary...we went to some other places as well but we seriously don't remember where hehehe...I'll post some pics up of the night so u get a bit of an idea of the drunkeness...nah, they're not that bad...

 

I got my hair coloured again on Friday...it's now a blondy colour coz I got sick of having dark hair...I got it done for the ball which is tomorrow!! Yay!! It sux that I'm sick tho...it's making my mind really foggy which is NOT good coz I had a test 2day...god knows how I went...it was ok but I might just be thinking that coz I'm slightly dellusional.  After my test, Jess dropped by and we went to the bakery for pizza.  Then we sat on the grass on campus coz it was such a nice day 2day!  After that we had the brilliant idea of driving to Krispy Kreme...it took us ages tho coz we accidentally took the long way but it was totally worth it...if you put the donuts in the microwave for 8 seconds they're perfect...

 

In other news, I've decided that being late is the coolest thing you could possibly do...except I took it a bit too far and decided to rock up late for the bus...my extreme coolness was cancelled out by the dorkiness of running to catch the bus and everyone on the bus laughing at me...I probably should have revised that...anywayz, it seems that I don't have as much to report as I thought I did...I'll let you know how the ball goes tomorrow...so excited!!

DAMO IS COMING BACK SOON!! I can't believe it's been a whole year...yikes bikes...

 

Signing off,

 

~Bec~

well...

It has been quite a weekend! The good news is I have been feeling better so I've actually been able to do stuff...I'm still on antibiotics tho so I can't drink, but that's Ok coz I've been enjoying sobriety for a change!

On Friday I went to the footy with my dad and my sister to see Western Bulldogs vs St Kilda and it was soooo good!! We were practically sitting right behind the goals (next to the cheer squad) and Celeste kept shouting out to the players when they came near and it was funny coz they could hear her...and then at the end Goddard came over and gave us a high-five...it was an awesome night...needless to say the Saints won!! :D

I got back to halls on Saturday and then Courtney and I went to Amy's house-warming party which was really good but also weird coz we were like the only girls there coz most of the people were Adrien's mates.  We stayed there for a few hours and then migrated to the Hawthorn...it started off sucky coz we had to wait in line for AGES even tho there was hardly anyone inside...but when we got in we met up with Lia and Adam and danced for a bit...it was ok there but we got over it really quickly, so we went to the Glenferrie and that was awesome...the music was good and there was also places to sit and talk if you get sick of dancing...Courtney kept bumming cigarettes off people and she was a bad influence on me as well! When Lia and Adam left (Adam was feeling "sick"), Courtney and I caught a taxi back to halls.  So overall it was a fun and eventful night. 

The next day (Sunday) Jess came and picked me up coz we were going to Frankston to watch the Calisthenics championships and they were really good! By the time I got back to halls it was pretty late but I was adamant on eating my steak I'd been defrosting so I had a very late dinner...but s'all good!! It will be good on Thursday coz we're having a dine-in and even tho the food is always crap, it's good not having to cook for a change...

 

I have sooo much reading to do for all my classes but I've been procrastinating a lot (of course...it's practically my middle name)...arrrgh...there are way too many distractions! That's the problem with having everything in the one room.  While I'm trying to work I have TV, internet, food and sleep all tempting me!

Well, better get back to it I suppose...

 

Signing off,

 

~Bec~

Hey all,

I haven't done a blog entry in ages coz I've just been a lazy bum...and I've been sick.  I have tonsilitis goddamit! The doctor had never seen such a bad case (worrying, huh) Which means I'm on a very long course of antibiotics...whcih ultimately means I can't drink for a while...but it's OK coz I've been meaning 2 cut down anyway...I was OK on dollar pot night tho (this was before tonsilitis lol...I'm not silly!)...I did get a bit shmackered but not nearly as bad as I could have been!! It was a good night, we got to The Nott at about 7.30 for dinner in the main bar and then we migrated to Mannix bar for dollar pots at 8.  Everyone tried to bag a barstool but they were taken away...I wouldn't have spent the entire night on a barstool anyway coz that's BORING!  Instead I like to run around crazy into all the different bars...but that night I never left mannix bar which was very strange...

Anywayz, Jamie had a whole heap of consumption rules he got from London we had to abide by while we were conversing to mix it up a little...they were hard!! For example:

 

- No use of first names

- No swearing

- No finger pointing

- No use of the international word for beverage consumption (drinking)

- No drinking with right hand (this went for smoking as well)

- When putting drink back on table, you must slide it into the middle

 

Whoever broke a rule had to drink...so people were getting smashed pretty quickly!  When $2 spirits rolled around I had a tequila shot and it was gross...I've never shot tequila before and I never want to again!  But it was overall a good night...

 

Last night Lauren, Trent and I were listening to music and having deep and meaningfuls in the kitchen and it struck me how different America really is to Australia...like some of Trent's views on things (gun laws in particular) are so different! Sheesh!  He's a funny guy tho...really into eminem-style rap...apparently on campus at the college he went to in Illinois they had rap comps and stuff.  I really wanna experience an American college coz they seem to place a lot less emphasis on drinking...a lot of the Americans are shocked when they come here (altho Farrer alone has a really bad rep!) so it would be a nice change.  Monash Abroad are holding a seminar for those people wanting to go on exchange to the University of California so I have to find out the time for that tomorrow...I'm really excited!! But I definitely have to learn how to budget better :S

 

Things I'm currently looking forward to:

 

- A sober Nott night 2morrow (it's gunna be weird hehehe)

- Amy's House-warming party on Saturday

- Andre's 21st next Friday

- Fancy dinner and clubbing next Saturday...hopefully I'll be better by then!

 

Signing off,

 

~Bec~

hiya peeps and homies,

I had quite an eventful weekend that I'm still recovering from.  On Friday I got to meet up with Andre!! And I met some of his friends and set foot in the MSA office...your photos of Green Week were really good!! It was the subject that was disturbing lol.  

On Saturday night, Jess and I hit the town! While we were waiting for a train at Clayton station, this freak of a woman came up to us and started calling us sluts and whores and saying that we were giving women a bad name...uhh...I kinda think if anyone is giving women a bad name it would be HER. And her husband looked like he'd just had a frontal lobotomy...his head was all bandaged and bleeding...I figure she hacked at him with an axe or something...probably thought he was giving men a bad name. So anywayz, we had the intention of going to The Prince, the greatest club ever!!! But the stupid bouncer wouldn't let me in coz I only had my Ls and "apparently" you can't get in with that, even tho it's legal freakin ID!! I've never had any problems anywhere else...so anywayz, we ended up catching a tram to Crown to try our luck in the gaming room.  It was the first time I've gambled in Crown...the place looks like Vegas!!  We played the 2c machines and lost...so we got bored very quickly and went to Club Odeon...that place was ok but there were quite a few sleazy old guys which was quite a turn-off...but I got to dance in a cage!! That was definitely the highlight!! Almost as good as dancing on stage at Prince...*grumbles*...stupid Prince people! When we left Club Odeon (more than a little intoxicated) I called Kayno to see where he and some of the American guys were so we could all meet up.  They were at the Elephant Wheelbarrow on Fitzroy street so Jess and I caught a cab there.  We probaby got there at about 2am and stayed for an hour.  It was cool seeing kayno, Bill, Brendan and some others I wouldn't normally see when I'm out.  We had such a hard time catching a cab back to halls though coz Bill kept swearing at all the taxi drivers so none of them would take us...grr!!! We waited about an hour in the cold coz of him!!  Back at halls we listened to some music in Kayno's room (jess had fun... :P :P *wink wink*) and hit the sack at about 7am...so I was quite buggered the next day as you can imagine.  It was really awesome tho coz I found out that Jess's friend at uni was my bestest friend in Primary School so hopefully we can meet up soon...I realised just how small a world it is!

I'm procrastinating today coz I have 2 presentations to prepare for this week (not including my philosophy expository due on Wednesday) and I really can't be buggered doing work! So I've been cleaning my room, watching episodes of The Chaser's War on Everything and...writing blogs.

 

Things to look forward to this week:

- Another possible cupake adventure on Tuesday with Tom and Sarah

- Les's going away party at Fox Hall on Tuesday night...but I'm gunna miss him!! :'(

- Dollar pot night on Thursday...I won't have a big one but it will be good to catch up with everyone...and Steph said she might be there too

- Tom's party/Lauren's party on Saturday...I'm really not sure what's happening here...maybe Lauren forgot that Tom's party is on the same night...or maybe they're competing!! I hope I don't have to choose...

 

Well I better get back to my procrastination activities...I think I'm up to flicking elastics at the wall...

 

Signing off,

 

~Bec~

Heya peeps,

I haven't blogged in a while mostly coz there hasn't been anything overly exciting to report...

On Monday I went to Knox with Beck (I hadn't seen her in practically a year!) and I got my belly button pierced (again)...I know what ur all thinking..."but bec, it was so horribly painful and worthless last time!"  I am SO adamant that it will work this time and also really hoping that the agonising pain won't be for nothing again.  But I made a few changes...like I got a titanium one this time which is the purest so if it doesn't work then there will be no hope for me ever in the navel-piercing department.  Also, I'm not gunna be a complete idiot and put hydrogen peroxide on it this time...what the hell was I thinking?! Beck's in the piercing mood again but she's running out of places so that might be difficult...beck, DON'T GET THE THING UNDER YOUR TONGUE PIERCED!!! I think it's weird...weirder than my obsession for aviators :P. So yea...that was my Monday.  It was pretty stupid of me to wear a white top for obvious reasons...but it's working out well so far.

 

Tomorrow we have our floor function and we still haven't decided on a theme.  I really wanna do punk coz then we can all wear crazy makeup and have crazy hair and it's fairly easy...but I think we'll end up doing colours...which is basically just everyone dressing up in a different colour.  I'll probably end up with a shit colour like puce or yellow (which REALLY doesn't suit me)...so I'm hoping colours doesn't get the green light (hehehe).  The Fox Hall boys (at least Zac and Les) are coming to the floor party as well so there r gunna be quite a few more people than last time...we'll probably play heaps of drinking games like last time...my fave is 'Fuck the Dealer' so I hope we play that.

 

Today I was really pissed off coz I had six and a half straight hours of class...so I'm pretty fuckered as I'm writing this...three of those hours were consumed by philosophy...there is only so much mind warping I can take in one day. 

 

At the moment I'm looking forward to:

- Floor party on Thursday (even if I look like a buttercup)
- Catching up with Andre on Friday (if you've forgiven me! :))

- Clubbing at The Prince with Jess on Saturday (I LOVE THE PRINCE!!!!)

 

Signing off,

 

~Bec~

Heya!

I just got back from Cafe Cinque Lire where they were holding some club nite ($10 a ticket which includes $4 drinks such as skyy vodkas etc) and I have to say...it was shit.  There r just so many things that could have been done better...like the area was too open and the lighting was too bright. And the music was meh-ish...but I'm glad I went coz I've been cooped up in my room for a couple of days doing absolutely nothing except watching TV and downloading episodes of Family Guy...and facebooking it!! I am hooked on that site!! Anyone who is interested: www.facebook.com and then add me!! So 2nite was good coz at least I got some dancing done (without being inebriated lol) we were also thinking of heading over to Doolies but by the time we left we could no longer be bothered...so here I am.  I was so hungry when we got back that I cooked some bolognese pasta (which was really good btw!) and watched...family guy.

My weekend was pretty ordinary...I went to my aunt's house with my mum and my sister so that all of my mum's family could exchange travel stories *snooze* and then I stayed at my mum's house til about 8pm on Sunday coz I was really getting into Big Brother...oh television! Shya... when I was at Cafe Cinque Lire 2nite my mum msgd me to tell me that Jamie had won Big Brother.  I casually told some people near by, "I dunno if anyone's interested in who won Big Brother" and all of a sudden I got bombarded with screaming people demanding to know! It was quite scary...

So anyways, we definitely have to catch up, Andre! I'm free all Friday and practically all of Monday (ahhh Arts hours rock!) and of course I luv my eski-hoe jacket!!! It is so fkn warm and nice! :P

Well that's about it for now...I better go to sleep so I don't miss class 2morrow!

 

Signing off,

 

Bec